Maryam's Werid Cave

 honestly when talking about my life i feel like people think i exagerrate because i have expireced so much, even just saying that i feel like people think " oh she just wants people to feel bad for her" and usually no

i actually hate most of the time when people pity me, but sometimes when i feel sad and like everything is against me, i do want that pity, sometimes its comforting to to know that what you went though was actualy bad LMAOOO and not just something that you deserved

im not exagerrating

i have dealt with physicall harm from my birth to high school, but its normal to hit your kids in ethnic house holds, and thats not okay, if it really wasnt so bad... then why was i also a violent kid? why was i such an angery child? why would i imagine myself dying just so the people hurting me would feel bad... thats not normal.

i think its not okay to hit your kids and you can still love your parents and acklodge that you were abused, i think many people dont like to say that they were abused because they dont see there parents as abusers and they dont want to call their parent and abuser and honestly thats valid, i understand, you dont have to call them an abuser tho

you can say that they are an unhealed victim of there abuse, and so were their parents, and their parents, and their parents, and its just a lonnnnnng cycle of generational trauma

you can choose yo see your parents howevr you want to see them, but if u cant acknowlegde that you were abused, you will not get better, you cant fix a problem if you dont know what caused it or where its comming from.

so that was happening, and i was bullied throught my islamic school, i alr made a post on that, 

and in the catholic school i was in for 2 years i got SA'd, then i was sent to senegal and that was a bad situation

and oh yeah the incident that happene the first time i was sent to senegal where i was beat by my teacher when i was like either 4 or 5 years old

and me and my mom would have problems every year up until i was sent to senegal again, and these fights were alot more then screaming matches if you catch my drift

so honestly, im just someone who had lots of trauma LMAOOO i think im pretty much healed now but... yeah and im not saying im perfect, i made mistakes but i did not desreve anything that happened to me at all

sooooo yeahhhhhhhh